It's really hard to write anything when you are trying to hide everything.
See? Too much already.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I mean it, I honestly don't know what I am talking about. What am I hiding? Well I have no clue. Ok, so what have I been thinking about? What have I been feeling? Well, I'd rather not say. Oh. It's about that then. No, actually, you have no idea what I am talking about. You have no idea what I have been thinking and feeling. Oh. Then enlighten me. Well I don't want to do that. Why? Because I am hiding nothing.
I think what really did this further to me, was hearing my mom cry again last night. And it wasn't my mom crying that hit me, but the situation. Crying with no one to go to, because the one person you trust most, the one person you might normally go to, is the one who did this to you. Who made you cry and despair so. Then what? What happens when the person you go to when everyone else/everything else hurts you, is the one hurting you? And they are bound to eventually, because they are only human. But its so unbearable. So why not just steer clear of ever really trusting anyone? That way, no one could ever really hurt you that way. But why let fear rule you and keep you from ever having the friendships you so desire?
Exactly. Scary in any case.
(quick switch of topics) Is it all really worth it?
(And that's only a very scant, rough outline of hardly even a third of everything on my mind. )
tosses herself on her back on the floor and begins tossing french fries at the ceiling and singing softly