What a blatantly cruel contradiction it is, to wake up after a good night's sleep (although not long enough) with the sun shining brightly and happily through the window, but to have your heart feel like a deadweight inside of you. The weather and that bloody sun shining as if today were the best day of my life or something. I wanted to block it out. Cover it with clouds. I need darkness. I need the sky to be gray and overcast to match my mood. But I just can't have that, so I have to make do with the sun.
What is the problem you ask?
Its the same. Its the perfectionism being insanely, stubborn about staying. The nail gun, hammer, krazy glue, and duct tape, have done me no avail. I am left sitting on the floor covered in a sticky mess of duct tape, glue, and scattered nails mingling with salty tears.
And it hurts. And I am so tired of all of this. I wrote about it all last night, but I don't know if I want to transcribe it over.
I don't know.
It just hurts. Its insanity...chronic obsession with perfectionism bordering insanity.
And my head and my heart are warring. War war war...With no truce in sight...