Patience won't you come, oh I feel like life's suspended
I have not become the thing that I have so intended
Put my mind at ease
Ever have those days that seem to go on forever? The interminable days. When you look at the clock and you feel it must be three hours later than it actually is? When everything drags on at a ridiculously slow pace?
Yesterday was one of those days for me. Every minute felt like an hour. Every hour felt like a day. The whole day felt like a week. There was nothing to do, nothing to look forward to. Just a day. A day of nothing. Even my nap felt like it had been four hours long, when it had barely been one. Fridays like to tilt that way when one has no life. But I have not had a Friday that long in...forever... Really. I hate Fridays. I will say that. I need a life. I need things to do. So that I don't have to sit around on Fridays as I do every other day of the week. I don't want any more interminable days.
But last night was also an interminable night. I got to bed at 1:45am and got to sleep about fifteen minutes later. I slept ok, but I really thought the night would never end. I got up once at 8:30am and looked at my watch and decided I could sleep another hour and a half. So I fell back asleep, and when I awoke, I felt as if I had been sleeping restlessly for hours. My back ached so badly. I snatched up my watch to see how late I had slept in and it was scarcely 9:45am. I slept a full hour and forty-five minutes. I would have bet my money that I had slept four long, tedious hours. But it wasn't near that. So I laid in bed for what seemed like an hour and ended up being fifteen minutes.
I can see that today is going to be a repeat of yesterday. Interminably long. Never ending. Oh the inconsistency of time... I don't want another day like this. Long days with nothing to do are awful. And they are even worse when one has an almost cold. I would rather have an almost cold, than a real cold, but then again I would rather be feeling fine than either. So my throat sorta hurts, and my nose is a little runny, and I have some mucus backed up and that bothers my stomach a little. I don't have a fever, but the rest of it is just enough to make me feel somewhat crummy. All in all, I just want to curl up on my bed and cry. I think I really could cry. Not just my almost tears. But I don't have that luxury. I would be heard. I don't want to be heard. I don't want to have to explain myself. I just want today to be over already. I just want life to be done.
But things will get better. I have to cling to that hope. I cling that someday, I will have a life, and maybe a very busy one, and I will long for all the extra time I used to have. I will long for all the leisure time I have now. So I have to make the most of the time I have so that I won't regret wasting it later. I just have to figure out what to do. I still feel sick and crummy though. Can't I just go cry...
I might try dolling today. I have an idea for a doll. I know what base I am going to use too. Just something quick and random. Maybe it will pull away some of the monotony of today. Maybe it will satisfy my need to do something creatively. Poetry was dancing on the edge of my tongue all day yesterday, but today it has fled me, thus I must appease my appetite [for creativity] in other ways.
I guess I know something I could do if I could have the privacy. Maybe later tonight. If my parents get back in at a decent time today. They have been gone in Cali for a week. They are due home today. The rest of the week flew and I was ready for Saturday but hardly expecting it. And then there was yesterday. The length drove me to feel like Saturday should have come two weeks ago.
But now Saturday is here. My parents are due home. Woo. I don't know what that means to me though. They are not going to relieve the monotony. *sigh*