2004-02-22
Wasting Time

hearing: Stare At The Sun - Thrice
reading: Lilith by George MacDonald
wearing: super low hip hugger jeans, black eh..."army style" belt with silver buckle and rhinestones, sage green 3/4 length sleeved shirt that says "Old Navy 55" pulled tight, white ribbed tank top underneath to cover the distance between the bottom of the shirt and the top of my jeans, Old Navy black micro fleece zip up hoodie (I feel like a brand snob...ugh...I don't like Old Navy that much at all...)

I have had this song stuck in my head for so long...*sings chorus*

'cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind

*/sings*

Sorry, I just couldn't help it. I had to listen and get it out. I was singing it out loud but I had to be careful of that because I don't think my mother would like that song. Heh. I also find that such a depressing song is a little bizarre for me to listen to when I am in such a tremendously good mood but uhm... oh well?

On I go. I was going to apologize for not writing as much but I have been writing a lot more than usual. But I don't think there has been as much content. Well thats because I have been developing relationships with some certain friends. It takes most of what I have to say out of me. But I have been so talkative lately that I am sure I can conjure up plenty to impart.

First, obviously no more computer hiatus. My messenger fast is also over. As I explained in my last entry, I have found my key, I have found the solution to my problem that drove me off messenger (and later off the computer) in the first place. Now that that has fallen into place, I don't feel the need to "fast" anymore. Whereas before, my instincts told me that I had to stay off messenger and the computer, as soon as I solved things, those instincts left. But so did the desire to spend as much time on the computer and messenger! I could be signed into messenger now but I am not! I don't feel like it. Well besides that it is Sunday and most everybody is in church around now anyway. HA! But I do find it interesting that this desire dissipated like it did. Following suit. Does it surprise me? No. Not at all...

To joy, nothing is surprising

~A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeline L'Engle.

It's the truth. I am dwelling in so much joy right now, and nothing is really that surprising to me. Somehow I expect things the way they are. It just seems...right... This is extremely hard to translate into words. I just can't. But nothing really surprises me...that is all I know...

You know, my mind really isn't here. I can't really write without music but today it is distracting me terribly and I am thinking of a zillion other things I could do. A zillion other ways to occupy my time. Not to say that I don't like to occupy it this way, but just to say that today I don't quite feel like writing much. I need to go do some thinking. Some shuffling. Some reading. Some listening. Some just plain being. I have the chance to do so undisturbed at the moment so I shall...

before & & after