No haircut today. I say it again, I figured as much. But my roots are starting to show worse. Urgh.
We aren't going to Texas either. My dad says that we just plain don't have the money for the trip. He says we need it for bills. I am a little downcast. I was hoping to get out of the house for awhile. I have never been to Texas before. That might have been fun.
Otherwise I didn't do much worth mentioning. It was rather a pleasant day for me, but most would find it boring. In a nutshell: Conversations, fun with Photoshop Elements, reading, tv, and running errands. Wow.
My brain is still on the fritz. I suppose a likening of my condition could be made to ADD but it's not ADD. Do you understand? My mind won't focus, especially when a situation bores it, and I have shuffled around quite a bit today, but it isn't a regular problem. It is just kind of annoying. Such as now, I really cannot focus on this entry and all I really want to say. My mind feels bored and wishes to shift to something else. SHORT ATTENTION SPAN CRISIS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *runs into a wall*
On another note, I am also having a hard time eating and sleeping lately. I don't often feel hungry until I actually start eating. Then I still have a hard time finishing the meal. I just don't have an appetite. This is a HUGE rarity for me. It takes SO MUCH to ruin my appetite, yet it has been ruined and lost for the time being. And my sleep trouble. I am tired, yet I really don't want to sleep. I crawl into bed and my mind groans. I dread sleep. Although if I had a promise of the recurrence of that kissing dream I might eagerly crawl into bed.... guilt free action...*smiles broadly and mischevously*
Oh gosh I said that out loud.
Well uhm, ignore that because seriously,I don't even think that could make me want to sleep. I just want to forego sleeping and eating all together but then what would I be? I would waste away to naught. This isn't from being depressed. This isn't some sort of death wish or attempt at slow, covert suicide. I am just plain having a hard time eating and sleeping. And I don't like it one bit. Oh and don't forget to factor in my mental abstractions. Is it a wonder that I feel like a Dolt? Yet it isn't so shallow. What's up... I can't seem to figure out what is wrong... I am going to put forth the effort of finding out.
All this presidential campaigning is getting me jumpy because I am only going to miss being old enough to vote this year by 8 days. Not that I am disappointed. No, I am rather relieved. I don't know a ding dang thing about the political system and I don't know a ding dang thing about any political issues or current events because I just plain don't care. I never bothered to care to figure things out, but I can see that I am going to have start doing some homework on our political system, and issues facing my local community, my state, the country and the world. Because I know my parents are going to MAKE me register, and then I can imagine my mother sitting down with me and telling me how to vote without explaining why. I don't want my parents to tell me how to vote. I would like to make the decisions myself, and if they align with my parents well cool...at least I agree with them and am not just following blindly. But I really don't look forward to it man. I guess I have read too many books... The media is the only source for the American public to get information about current events outside the system and it is so biased. Anywhere you go. Events are manipulated in print. A good example is the Boston Massacre. It was painted in such a light by journalists of the day to paint Britains as evil, ruthless men torturinig helpless, innocent colonists when that was FAR from being the case. An angry, drunken mob came up against a couple of Redcoats. But journalists of the day who wrote up the stories, wanted to depict events in such a light as to sway the colonists to their view and persuasion of the situation. They twisted it. That isn't to say that the colonists were the bad guys and the Britains were the good guys the whole time. Each side did bad and good things. Each side had good and bad people. Each side had good and bad motivation. I am not saying the Revolution shouldn't have happened. I think what happened needed to happen. But to think that the media gets things portrayed that way, but I have no way of knowing what really happened so that I can make a decision really independently... well out of the frying pan and into the fire. Away from my parents' bias and into the media's. One really can't escape it I guess. Which just jades me more. Urgh. I hate politics. I don't want to talk about them any more.
Let's switch the topic over. In my last entry, I talked about drinking milk and thinking about orange soda. I never got to the point. I think my experiments are a good parallel to how much attitude affects things. A bad (or a good!) situation can be made better or worse depending on how you react to it and what you think of it. When drinking draughts of sorrow and despair, which we must all do in our life, the taste is just a little altered, made just a little better, less bitter and more sweet (thus bittersweet), by focusing on a solid hope and peace and remembering those feelings.
On another note, with all that talk of ADD I am moved to other thoughts. Of ADHD, the death of art, and men without chests. Art is dying, and children are being bred without a soul and a concious. Being bred without chests. The school system corrupts them so, and most kids have a mom and a dad who work all day and don't give a care for much besides making money. An ADHD mini epidemic supposedly sweeps through...parents everywhere are pumping their kids full of Riddlin. Misdiagnosed, supressed and chestless. Is it a wonder that art dies? Then a sad last effort is made to save the art in schools. What will that do. Art can be brought to the schools but kids are being trained to be uncreative and inartistic. They are being bred for corporate America. They are being bred to be consumers. Not to be artists and writers and musicians. But you know, my point here really isn't art. Its how messed up society is. How much greed for money and power injures society. Adults reaching out for power and money, neglecting everything to get it so that they will be happy. While their families fall apart... spouse steps out the door and the children languish in bathrooms cutting themselves up from depression and neglect. Society is falling down chicken little...
Dear me that was such a generalization though... I am not trying to say that we are doomed and this is how everything is everywhere and all. I am just going off on some tangents. I don't know what. Blurb. But I really do hate money. I could do without it. I have had a couple people try to convince me otherwise, but I would far rather be a poor, homeless person. Seriously. Wandering the streets. Going form church to church. City to city. Anywhere.I have no doubts that God would provide. He would. If that was His plan for me, He would. I don't doubt it. For even with empty pockets and nothing but the clothes on my back, I could have what a lot of people don't... a glimmer of joy in my eye, a song on my lips, and a spring in my shuffle.
That's enough. I don't make sense. It all sounded a lot better when I was pacing around the room talking it to myself.
I am exhausted. I want to doll. But I won't let myself. Must try and sleep. No matter how much I don't want to get into bed. I must. I simply must. Remember, can't ruin the eyes...can't be ruining the eyes... hardly a motivator though...hardly a motivator...