(psst...I wanted, and NEEDED blithe as my imood, but blithe wasn't a choice...*cries*)
First noteworthy change is my template. I have not abandoned the template I am working on, but I can see that it is going to take a lot longer than I first expected. This is my first time coding a full template in CSS and XHTML so I am moving through somewhat slowly. My dad also told me that he will buy me a better paint program (I will be getting Photoshop Elements), thus I will be scrapping the graphics I have now and redoing them. I thought that the least I could do, was relieve everyone of the other template with one which fit my writing a whole lot better. My pickiness came through full force this time. I needed a template with plenty of room for my buttloads of links, huge entry space, a design that compliments my writing (on the advice of my reviewer, I do see that pastel-y stuff is better and I have an idea of images I like for my diary too), something that is cross browser compatible (I browse in Mozilla, and I have a reader in Mozilla and most all other readers in IE), and preferably XHTML valid. This one wasn't formatted to be XHTML valid but I am working on that. Why? Well I just feel like it. So I had SUCH a hard time finding good layouts. Proved to me how much I need to be able to code my own.
Hey Billy, like my new title...*points and smirks* Little emendation on my part because on its own it just didn't jibe with me. Needed to be a little longer.
I also forgot to inform everyone that my dad did, in fact, get paid on Saturday. YAY! As my mother would blandly declare, "Thank you, Jesus!" This means our cupboards overflow and we have so much choice of breakfast food that it isn't so bad to have to eat breakfast in the morning. Much much better variety for me. Just cause I am so picky. Ha!
There is little else eventful to say about the day. I continued withdrawn, timid, and quiet. In fact, when in the living room, even if their was room for me on the couch, I usually opted for the floor and wall opposite and slightly to the side. I was out of the way. I felt happy there. I carefully tossed around a softball, then a tennis ball with myself and intently listened to the conversation and laughed when it was appropriate and gave a short answer when a question was placed to me. I never say a thing if I am not spoken to. I hardly ever interpose, even to correct a person on a point. 'Tis my way.
But now I want to finally talk about what I have had to put off twice now.
I was talking with a guy friend the other day (which, I shall not say, it is better if he were to remain anonymous), and he was telling me something the Lord had told him. I find the Lord seems to tell him a lot. Mostly prophetic things. So he said the Lord said (ha! I sound like I am gossiping) that he would have a wife and son one day who would do great things (who or whom? Don't know...he said who so I say who). I started to get a little jealous. Not that he would have a wife and son of course, I don't want a wife... But that God tells him these sort of things, and apparently very conspicuously. He talks about this as though God directly tells him. I got to wondering whether that meant my friend was better than me because God will speak to him about the future and very plainly. God doesn't do that with me.
I was thinking on it and realized that no, this wasn't so. My friend is no better than me, just different. God speaks to me also, although I don't often recognize it as being Him, and I rarely get told prophetic, futuristic things. I am just not that kind of person. It isn't what God created me to recieve from Him. If you catch my drift. God points different things out to me in different ways because I am a very different person with different needs. Plain and simple as that. As it is with everyone. This should seem to be so obvious, but it really wasn't at first. I did seriously second guess myself after my friend related the statement he recieved from God. And then as I lay in bed, it just clicked that it wasn't so... a little dawning of realization. I cannot help but wonder, if all my realizations such as this are God inside pointing out the right things. Something like that. Things just click like that when I turn my thoughts to them. Click click. Must be something beyond myself. God.
Another contemplation has been stirred by Lilith. That book makes me think so much that I believe I will be lucky to read more than a chapter or two a day. Any faster than that and I just don't have the time to turn everything over. There is a raven who asks the main character, "Tell me, then, who you are - if you happen to know". The character cannot answer. His name means little. He has forgotten it. But it doesn't matter because a name really isn't who you are. It is just a name.
I sat back and thought to myself, If I were in a strange land confronted by this raven and asked who I was, could I give an account of myself? Do I know who I am?. For some, the question might be a hard one to answer and rather frightening. But for me it seemed neither. I am still developing an identity, aren't we always evolving who we are? but it is never a dramatic change, just steps upwards on the foundation of our identity. My identity then, is found in the fact that I am a child of God. This is how I would answer the raven. It is who I am. A rough image of Christ. It is in Him I always find myself, the indescribible entity of my soul, is always found when I forget myself and seek the Lord. I can't seem to find a fit, concise answer as I like. Child of God is the best I can do. Yet I am sure I know myself, or more like by sacrificing myself to God, I am known, there is no unease in my mind, not a shred of it, that I am bereft of an identity. Quite a comforting thought. Comfort comes not of the self satisfaction of having an identity, but rather knowing I have none without Christ. Interesting thought. Still quite comforting though.
I know not what nonsense I speak now. I am still wondering what I meant by this "We are now left at this moment as I sit and write." at the close of my last entry. A typo? Preoccupation and haste? I really don't know. Who is we? ha... oh dear it is 2:45. I fear a throttling... I am sorry to disappoint and not deliver a biography entry yet, but there hasn't been time. Tomorrow, maybe...I am supposed to be getting a haircut tomorrow though so I think I will be too busy with our digital camera to write out another short biography. I do still promise it will come. I promise, I promise. And I will not break that promise.
I have this weird little informative remark to make. If anyone notices, in my diary and on message boards and in conversation I will make this little face sometimes "^^". Whenever I leave the underscore out like that, it isn't a normal happy face. It has sound effects. Every time I type that, without fail, I make two little noises, "Shing, Shing". If anyone here is familiar with Homestar Runner comics, call to mind the character video about The Cheat. When The Cheat cracks a smile to display his prized gold tooth, a "Shiiiing" noise i heard. Precisely the same noise that accompanies "^^" except it is said twice and a little quicker. Thus ^^ (shing shing). I know I am a little bizarre. But hey, it is how I am and I love it
I have the urge to close the entry with a nice hair twirl... *slowly begins to twist finger through a lock of hair with a terribly mischievous look on face*
Gosh my hair smells good... of course, it always does!