Too little constrain/too much constrain.
Essays and papers are just too inbetween. And interpreting plays. And tracing the essence of poetry. There are constraints for doing some of these things. But not total freedom. There's a pattern unrealized. A pattern which can never materialize. It's all relative. I hate that. I don't like things that are not cut and dry. Do or die. True or false. Right or wrong.
I love how linear math is. Or science. It's this or that. Here or there. No matter what road you take, you have to get to the same place. There's only one possible destination. If you didn't get there you're wrong.
Patterns, structures, plans, symmetry : Perfection :: monotony?
The paradox.
Enclose my life in rules, patterns, structure. Close my thought patterns into that mathematical line, stifle my creativiy with symmetry, and I wither. I deteriorate. I lose my mind to insanity.
I want rules.
But I don't.
I want specific patterns (like the ones that form before my eyes when I stare at the light too long then shut them tight).
But I don't.
I want both worlds in harmony. Not the blurry, messy, inconsistent harmonies in structuring closed form essays. I want a perfect harmony.
I think that harmony is found in the sonnet.
I want my life to pour out like the sonnet flowing from the poet's pen.
Precise. Exact. Fourteen lines. Three quatrains. One couplet. Rhyming structure.
and complete freedom within...
Poetry. Harmony. Structure.
I will be the graceful sonneteer. The way I pen my life shall be a flowing sonnet.