As I am caught in the downdraft of my violent mood swings, the thoughts start spinning that I really don't want to go through this again. I am dead sick of it.
And as the bitter residue of my over reactions come sweeping over me, I learn that this time, I have to swallow them whole and turn back to the right direction and swim against the current.
I have said I would before, and I never do. I continue to let my emotions take control and ride me through a storm of disastrous, pointless nonsense. I am only human though. Its hardly an excuse, but its my only plea in defence. Its time to stop realizing too late, when everything is said and done, and time to start actively pursuing the path and my strongest swimming stroke against immoderate passions.
There are so very many more important things in life for me to focus on, rather then my petty emotional crises brought on by irrational pessimism and unfocused priorities. I can do better. I can act better.
And so this time, instead of moping and whining about what an idiotic, tiresome, absurd, immature, unlikeable girl I've been and how much I wonder how anyone could possibly still want to be in my company, I am, actually going to do something about it. I am actually going to fight against it. Even though it's so much easier to succumb to the shallowness of vicious, changeable, natural emotion, it's so much wiser to fight against them and develop some degree of honesty, virture, maturity, discernment and integrity. And, to be sure, people will like you better that way. There is far less worry if emotions and problems are being handled in a mature way. If I want to have friends, and if I want them to like me, I have to make an active, working effort to be a likeable person that people want to be friends with. So I shall get to work on that. It is my goal. Never too early to begin properly controlling emotions.
With all that said, I am going to go crash in my bed and continue to devour Emma as I mourn the unjust thoughtlessness of the modern female for abusing her hair with color, heat and styling products so badly that it is brittle and dry thusly shampoo companies target almost all of their products toward replenishing oil and moisture to hair and cease to provide products for the few females who do not abuse their hair which is naturally very oily. Argh. My hair has been so oily it looks wet, and it is just not comforting to walk into the store and see shelves of products that will only worsen my condition, and I have to dig through all the shampoos to find the one brand that still carries a product geared towards removing some of my excess oil.
I'm ranting... its high time for bed...