And I hate it. I'm tired of this. Curled up and shivering and crying on the floor because I feel too sick to get up and move any farther over to my bed. Squished and bent into a fetal position while sitting up. Rocking back and forth in my chair. Wishing it would just go away. Wishing that until it does, I could just curl up in bed all day and sleep and cry and rest.
But because this is an ongoing problem, and not a sickness that is going to go away after a few days of rest and recuperation, I have to learn to function in spite of it. I have to learn to force myself to be active and alert even if I'm feeling wretched.
This drains my energy immensely. By the end of the day, I'm even iller than before, and stretched so thin that all I can do is collapse on my bed.
This is unbearable. My existence has become a constant torment because it's laced with acute physical pain that I can't do anything about. Each laugh broken by a cry. Each smile shattered by a wince.
But to think of people with even worse physical ailments... mine has at least the chance to be treated temporarily by acid reducers and advil. Mine will even depart a while. But some...
I can still fight. This is nothing remotely serious or life threatening. It's simply intensely annoying. Perhaps an alteration in diet and eating habits will help. Let's think constructively. I haven't tried near everything yet. There's still hope that I can heal these ailments. So I'm going to try.