Due to my opacity when wording qustions, my guestbook will probably fast become my "Page of Validation". Well no, it will have to compete with my reviews page for that title. I suppose that depends on how all these reviews go... In any case, I love getting that little email that tells me I have a guestbook entry. I sigh and smile. More words of validation, because darlings, I need it.
My mood is up through the roof good again this morning. I like bliss. Which is where I am. It is truely, deliciously enjoyable. I don't want to come down. I actually don't think I have to. Until I start thinking about chronic obsession. Then I get terribly concerned. Then I hoarde in my euphoria, because it is mine. All Mine. And I do not want it taken from me.
I want to be a drop of water in the ocean. Just one drop. One part of that salty sweet whole. To be such a tiny sliver of such a powerful body of water. I could pound against the shore with the waves. Perhaps to cleanse the toes of a little child. Or to leave them gifts of pretty seashells. Perhaps to wash over the feet of lovers as they bask in the glory of my whole and the moon. Perhaps to carry away the remains of broken lives. To cleanse the sorrows of the disconsolate in heart.
I would envelop. I would bring peace. Or joy. Or stage a fury and a wrath of such strength as if I would tear down a mountain.
I suppose I can't describe this well. At all. Failure in words is often and tragic. I can't ever express anything aright and here I fail most. I grew up in California and although not very near the ocean, we would go every now and then. It fascinates me. It entrances me. It carries me away. Leave me stranded by the ocean under a clear night sky and you will have lost me forever. The power and glory of it all. The mystery. The ancientness. Its astounding. Beyond words.
Worst of all, when I stand and let the ocean lap at my feet, and feel the power as the waves drag back, it is all I can do not to jump in and be swept away. I want so much to be a part of that power and mystery and ancientness. It is one of my few great desires. Under the night sky, I do not think I could restrain myself. I would far rather fly up to the sky and merge in that velvet as a star myself, but that is completely impossible. While such a dip in the ocean...it is possible... I have such poor swimming skills though and would be so out of my mind, that that dip, would more likely than not, result in my end. I would not mind one bit. That would almost be the goal of such a plunge. The merging into the ocean, in a dark, stormy, salty death.
*sigh* I suppose I really am too clich�d and tragically romantic for my own good...