Well children, tons of new extras are up. See the new link? Yep! Just one link for all the extras now. Go then and have fun. I added a To Do List and a list of definitions for myself. Oh yes, and, as promised, I have explained The School Situation best I can and you can find that at the end of my Character page! I am also formulating a page of my theme songs now. Yes. Not a soundtrack for my life beecause I am not sure if I could pick out and remember what categories I shall need for that. Just finding my theme songs.
You know, I think I might have too much time on my hands. HAHAHAHA. With all these extras and with all the updating I do, I wonder if they all go to waste. I have such a small audience I think. I am getting a little restless to make it bigger. Before I used to need a big audience for everything to have a point, and now I could care less, but if I am going to write as much as I do and have piles and piles of extras, I might as well see if I can attract more people. I am thinking about applying for some more reviews once I finally get a self designed template. Maybe finding a few more rings to join. Go sign a guestboook and leave a note here and there. Gosh I am so obsessive. Do I really want a bigger audience?
The next question is, do you really care? I can't decide if I am talking to myself, my diary, or my readers. I actually think I am debating this with myself. Yes I am talking to myself. Nice way to write I should think.
But all those extras did waste a lot of time! WOO! By the time I finish this and write my customary email it will probably be nigh 3:30. I am getting into a pattern with sleeping from all this restless sleep. I hate sleeping poorly. I am going to figure out why. If this continues to much longer, mark my words I will.
This might have something to do with the loss of my mind. I am beginning to think my mind is bookmarked somewhere where I should have said or done something. My mind won't come back until I find where it is bookmarked and take care of it, and my sleep won't come back until I take care of that incidence. Purely speculation though. I just need my pet explanations. If I don't have anything, if I am not speculating it, if I weren't trying to figure it out, I just wouldn't be Me. I would also feel very very lost. Of course I suppose I already am. HA!
Today has been extremely productive. Extremely. With all the reading and eating (I have been eating much much better lately) and chatting and creative expression and cat napping...well I have had a full day for myself. Hardly a dull moment. Considering the lengths of my to do list that shouldn't surprise anyone... HAHA but it did surprise me. I usually neglect everything on my to do list.
I am terrible with procrastination and starting projects but never finishing them. I already had one project taken from me today unfinished. That is starting to edge up on me. I am trying to push it away. I just fear guilt and failure coming to eat me. I think I might have a stick around here to beat them off with. I do have my staff of course. Always close by. Hopefully that can ward them away.
I really suppose all of that means I am really not a dependable person. Heh. But that's ok. I am starting to warm up to my harsher shortcomings. I am really not the friendliest of girls. I really despise children. I am not very reliable. I am terribly impatient and short tempered. Very much a control freak.
Yes, the list will go ever on, but it isn't depressing. There are goods to balance it out, but I was never really one to pick out my character strengths and the good things. I don't think about it because I am afraid of being wrong and of being thought of as pretentious, prideful and boastsful. I let everyone else find the good in me and then tell me what that good is. Seems to work better that way.
I am rather short and brusque tonight aren't I? Just viewing this as another order of business to conduct I suppose. I think I am being rather methodical of late. I usually am. But more so when I am in a very good mood. And I am in an incredible mood. Which makes me so methodical, which in turn makes me feel productive, which in turn makes me feel even better. I am just floating around in a cloud of contented bliss. Its heaven. I love God and myself and my life and my friends and my family and God. Now this is not to say that I still wouldn't exchange it all for heaven in a heartbeat. Oh my even at this moment...I think divine discontent is the best term for it... I am happy with my life and don't wish it to be better, but I know that heaven is better and I am anxious for the day I can go there. But I am content to keep on in my life now because I must be here now and living, yet I am not because I await the promise of heaven.
It really is a lovely cycle because thinking that my little tastes of joy and happiness here (still sometimes soured), are just a taste of heaven. I can't wait. And now is when I am to prepare for my time there.
You know I am really far too happy to actually write about it eloquently. I would like to ponder more what it is about happiness that robs me of words and deep thought. Hm. But I don't seem to be good at pondering lately. Especially with only half a mind...
Ponder...ponder...there goes a panda...*sighs happily and skips off after it*