2004-02-04
Childlike and Pretentious
listening to: Glorious Moment - Luna Halo
reading: Lilith by George MacDonald and A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeline L'Engle
thinking: Oh about plenty... people, and projects and sketches...
Well where to begin? I woke up this morning feeling rather a dolt but am going to bed feeling more than a little pretentious...(btw, imood didn't have any of my top mood choices...pretentious, precocious, self-important, facetious...urgh...I settled for impish. I hate settling for less than I want.). All in all, a good day. I am very glad that I was able to push myself far up and out of my pit of despair. Now wait, that isn't right. I didn't pull myself out. God did. Thus here I am.
Oh this mood is rather like the one I had earlier and it is rather bizarre for me. I feel, like a four year old child. Seriously. I simply feel so happy, content, joyous, and peaceful, and well..."simple", that I feel childlike. Four years old. Giggly and easily pleased. Flowers entwined on her head and dancing in the snow. Oxymoron. *hehe* Oh well. This is not really a feeling of immaturity either. I am as mature as I always was... just surrounded by simplified feelings. I want to put on a tutu and fairy wings and blow bubbles then run around and chase them. Oh alright, maybe not THAT far. But something like that. I haven't ever really felt this way before. I like it. *hehe*
I did have a gap of about two hours of extreme thoughtfulness. After coming off of such a childlike high, I felt as though I were jumping form 4 to 104 in a split second. It was so bizarre. Feeling so much older in such a short period of time. And now I have jumped back to 4 years old again. It wasn't a degeneration or a regression though. That is to put my current feelings in a position of inferiority to an "older" feeling. None is really inferior or superior to the other. Just different. Just a mood change. And a welcome one. I sigh. Audibly and happily. I could hardly be any more pleased with life than I am now. As imperfect as everything is, it really doesn't matter right now.
I have been sketching today! After finding my notebook yesterday, and looking over my sketches and showing some to other people, I realized how long it has been since I have sketched anything. Since I have curled up in a chair with pencil and paper and smudged the side of my right hand black with pencil. So long. Too long. Thus I got out some paper and drew! And...urm...well this is what came out...
Heh. I don't hate her. Not at all. But I am not overly fond of her. I am not really that good of an artist. Just sort of barely above mediocre. Anyway, it was rather quick, and obviously on binder paper. I like the concept though. The wings instead of arms concept is borrowed from George Macdonald's book Phantastes. I thought it was a beautiful idea. I am going to redraw this on some sketch pad paper, add a lot more detail, fix a lot of existing detail, ink her over, scan her back in, and cg her. I really REAlLY want to try doing some fantastic wing coloration. The colorations described in the book were awesome and I think it would look lovely. Perhaps I am getting too ambitious for my small talent. Hehe. That's ok. I need practice. I am having a good time and it is presentable enough to make it worthwhile. Yep.
Now I have to wax serious. Whether I like it or not. I had quite a few conversations at one time today and I fear I neglected the wrong people whilst diverting attention to those who could have done with a little less as I gave it to people who needed it more urgently. *sigh* That makes me feel bad. For being so thoughtless and selfish. Diverting the most attention to the conversations I liked best. The ones that were least uncomfortable and most silly. I needed to pay more attention to another but... I guess it isn't as big a deal as I make it out to be. I will try to keep my wits about me more though. No more neglecting people because I am feeling a little awkward.
I am feeling tired now. Well of course I am. it's almost 2 in the morning and I was awake until 4 yesterday. Besides being rather thirsty. I want to go have some grape juice. I love grape juice. It's the best...
Juice altogether is good. Well I guess I mostly think of grape, cranberry, and raspberry concotions. Mmmm. Cran raspberry juice... my mouth waters just to think. Possibly my most favorite liquid in the whole world. AND 100% please. Yes. None of this sugared down business. 100% juice. Good and tart too. Mmmm. I like grapefruit juice too, but I prefer it very VERY sugared down. Heehee. OH OH OH! And raspberry flavored lemonade!That's delicious. There is that raspberry theme again! Hehe! Even in kool aid flavors I like grape and raspberry flavors BEST. Ok now I am rambling. And feeling even thirstier. Time to be off...