I wish I had friends... Somebody to call up...someone to go see rotk with... I know there is a dance hall around...that would be fun to go to, but not alone... there is even a place to go paintballing...tons of other stuff...there are so many movie theaters around jam packed with restaraunts all around... plenty of malls... go kart tracks...there is so much to go do but I have nobody to go do it with...it gets old and lonely and stifling doing things with your fam all the time...But there is nothing I can do... nothing...I wonder when I will ever have friends again...thinking about it, I realize that somehow, somewhere, I lost all hope of becoming a part of society again...having anything to do with my peers...it's like a cruel mirage...I have no hope...no hope...
What next...only more depression...I hurt so bad inside...oh gosh...my heart is being eaten alive or its eating me alive...something...not physically...obviously...when I am done I am just going to go lay down...lay down and maybe cry...for a very long time...sometimes I feel as though I can't and won't ever get out of this hole... I have to grasp onto the tiny shred of hope left that tells me that I am still very young and that circumstances cannot and will not stay the way they are forever...it's a tiny shred of hope but it is extremely strong and solid...it is my only hope left...But I am so tired of waiting...so tired of waiting...now the time is coming for some serious action...serious action...let's see if I can find a way to acquire a car and convince my parents to FINALLY go out and get my license... yes...and I have other plans and designs...of course I do...let's see what shall come of them...
Then I have little misgivings...they question me, "Who am I kidding?" only myself...only myself...*shakes head sadly*
so thus I leave you...I go to mope...mope mope mope...and put away my yearbooks...looking at them just depresses me more...and why am I so hopeful for the future...what if it is no better than the present...probably won't even fit in with anybody anywhere...probably won't...
Another poem...I am working on it...steadily adding more...and it is still too short to have a title...
Sequester my wretched heart
Fling it to the floor
Pain is all it will impart
And I can brook no more�
It sits beside my tattered hope,
Where they find a friend in misery,