And for once there is no long explanation. It�s just as huge and simple as that. Cabin Fever has come again. And I have begun to relish a human companion in my cage.
I don�t feel especially lonely, but I really need someone to actually talk with. I�m tired of sitting. I need exercise. I need to walk, because when I�m moving, I think better and can usually thusly converse with more ease. I�m tired of my computer. My back is sore and my eyes ache. Instant messages are far too inadequate. I�m finding the medium increasingly tiresome, frustrating and stressful to deal with more and more lately. I need a person to sit here with me and watch me as I pace the room frantically and wave my hands about wildly and listen to me as I tear my hair out and divulge my soul. It�s just not the same when I�m having conversations with vacant chairs and cold, hard letters on a bright screen.
But even if I had friends with me, I suppose I couldn�t very well have them sitting in my room with me at 12 at night. That�s when I�m most restless. I am confined to my room for the night and everyone else has gone to bed. There�s no one to watch or poke at. The inner turmoil upsets my mind so much that I can�t sleep. I long for a way to unburden my mind so that I can either endure the long, dark hours before I sleep, or find myself so calmed that I can easily retire to my (usually unfriendly of late) couch.
But, a phone call could easily stand in that stead. I wish I could just pick my up cell phone and call someone. And just talk. Pace and tear my hair and have someone there listening. I need a voice to help comfort my troubled conscious. I don�t want advice� I�m not depressed� I just feel imprisoned again. It�s come upon me harder than ever this time. I mentioned once that this was just getting worse and that�s still what's happening. It�s coming more frequently and more pressingly.
Bah. Maybe after admitting all that I'll feel calmer and can sleep. Until then, I'm going to go sit on the floor in front of my heater with a bag of cheetos and a glass of orange kool aid to pass the time.