2004-12-04
It's Beginning To Feel A Lot More Suffocating and Commonplace...
More and more Christmas lights spring up on houses around the neighborhood, including my own. A Christmas tree arose in the midst of my living room. The one decent Christmas cd we own plays incessantly in the house and in the car. Christmas specials on tv.
Well it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... but it doesn't feel like Christmas.
Even in the midst of my former years of holiday humbug, there was a certain special feeling in the air at Christmastime. An indescribable innocence, warmth, and ethereal quality which could not be matched by any other connotation the whole year round. Perhaps surpassed, but nothing was quite like it. There's always been something wonderful and unique about Christmas.
But this year, the magic is gone. My attitude has altered and the violence of my bah humbug spirit has deserted me entirely, but it left with the childhood magic I used to feel.
Now I'm beginning to feel like the villainous adults in children's Christmas movies. The stuffy workaholics with no appreciation for the season. The ones who stamp down tradition and stories in favor of reason and practicality. The ones we shun for having lost their faith and imagination. I may not be physically reacting as those adults do, but I fear that my attitidues demand a striking parallel and a vehement condemnation.
I'm the girl they love to hate. The girl with no Christmas spirit.
Not that I value this loss as a great blow or a horrible tragedy. I hate to harp, and I hate to sound childish and naive, but this is such a new consuming apathy, that I needed space to dwell on and consider it.
In more familiar, welcome territory, the visions riddled with... Well they won't leave me alone. So here's a piece of abstract thought even shorter than yesterday's.
�Come hither, sweetling,� he crooned gently, extending his snow white wing to the shivering girl child. Her blue eyes darted out from under their lids and she rose from her fetal position on the floor and stretched off her dreams. She blinked her eyes slowly as she pivoted her head until she met his unwavering, gentle gaze. He nodded slowly and beckoned again as he began to softly sing her a beautiful song. She cocked her golden head and a tear rolled down her white cheek. She stood up, swaying gently to his soothing tones. Hypnotized, she hesitantly crossed the room to stand before him. He reached to her with his wings and slowly drew her nearer to him... Enfolding her close to his breast...
A passionate cry rang out through his lilting melody.
A heavy thump resounded against the door.
And she was gone.
And his wings were empty.