2005-04-11
Still A Useless Girl, Now In A Snowy "Wonderland"

Treading cautiously along the insufficiently snow plowed streets; shaking, trembling... Rivulets of water pouring across the treacherous ice all around, snow in ugly clumped heaps guard the roads from spinning tires. And cars wrecked, left and right. Crying, are we next? Are we next? The car still shakes, trembles. Silent prayers over needless worry.

Stumbling out of the car into a concrete building, trying not to cry for her. It's needless worry, needless worry.

It was needless worry. So we can learn my lesson ahead of time.

I calm down. Calm down. Inside the building is a ghost town. The silence echoes. Every time you turn around, you expect to see a tumble weed tumble across the uncrossed floor, borne on the warm winds of the heating system.

The kind of day one should be able to do wild things. It's so empty. So few have braved the weather for this glum building. I did. Can't I make use of the empty space? Can't I have a floor to play in all to myself?

That's the most absurd thought I've ever ventured to think. Get to class before it takes over your silly little head.

The day goes quickly by. Everything ends sooner than it usually does, sooner than it should. That's ok. I want to go home. I have work.

Work which I never do. I favor staring out of windows and waiting. Making notches. Counting seconds. Forming snow drifts in my mind. Wasting away to the throb of a headache's rhythm.

This is not the way to live. In these short spurts. In this disconnection. In this waste of time.

before & & after