To combat loneliness, disappointment, and depression this morning, I have worked myself sore and utterly exhausted. I did the load of dishes we had waiting, refilled a soap dispenser, cleaned off the counters and kitchen table, fixed breakfast for myself and my sister, swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed the basement stairs and my half of the basement (including pulling the vacuum cleaner behind my bed to vacuum there...what a task...), rearranged all the computer game cds, cleaned off a shelf, dusted some other shelves, cleaned and vacuumed in the mess of wires behind our computers, vacuumed the rest of the basement, and did some laundry.
The main floor still needs to be vacuumed along with some rugs, and the kitchen floor needs to be swiffered, and I am sure the bathrooms could use some cleaning, but I am afraid I could work myself to such a point of exhaustion that I'd collapse. Which is my goal. Its what I would like to do, but my parents wouldn't like that one bit. So I will refrain and be done with my work now. I will go read. No crying. Nope. Not here, not today...
Was the work any sort of relief? Maybe a little. And now I am well focused on my physical aches, including my ears, one of which isn't hearing correctly because I had headphones on with music blasting just a tad too loudly. Its an aversion. I can do nothing but evade everything bad I am feeling, because to dwell on it...
Well let's just say, if you hear word that I had an accident and fell from the top of our basement stairs all the way down to the hardwood floor below and am badly hurt, it will not have been an accident...