2004-07-30
Not In Sickness, Not In Health

hearing: Why This One - Cowboy Junkies
reading: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
wearing: unbrushed hair

Today is such a crummy day.

I'm very sick today.

My mother is very sick today. She's been very sick the past few days.

My dad is at work.

So I am in charge.

And I am so overwhelmingly nauseous that I just want to break down on my bed sobbing. After I make my offerings to the porcelain god. (If one takes my meaning.)

But I have to tend my mother. I have to watch the kids and keep them in line and fed. I have to keep the house clean. And my father gave me a few jobs to do.

And I have refused the rest offered me. My mother gave me one of her prescription nausea pills. No, I have no idea what it is, and I think it's helped...a little...but I still feel horrible.

But there's too much to do. There's too much that needs to be taken care of. I can't rest too long. I can't take repose. I refuse it. I do not want to be sick. I want to be well. I don't want to be an invalid. I want to be a functioning individual.

I don't want to have to depend on anyone.

Not in sickness, not in health. Never.

Utters a heavy sigh. No, I don't know what to do with myself either.

I almost do wish a little tiny bit, that I had someone else to come take care of things for me...to come take care of me...

Edit:nausea pills kicking in!

before & & after