2004-09-11
Bending To Support The Side Of Painstaking Joy

hearing: Revenger - Fold Zandura
reading: The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
feeling: stupid

For months, no, almost an entire year, ever since we recieved the truck load of my paternal grandmother's junk; my father has been talking of doing a yard sale. Cleaning out the garage. Getting rid of all that junk so we can park the car in the garage.

Well garage sale day was finally today. My dad noticed some signs the other day for someone else who was having a garage sale nearby, and he figured he'd jump in on their advertising. He put up one sign by that of the other people's, drug out all of the junk in our garage and settled outside with my two younger sisters, whom were selling lemonade (although drinking more than they sold).

The sale was a fantastic disaster. A beautiful cacophony of...silence, heat, and utter waste.

We sold a few things, but my father made virtually no profit, and somehow, we could hardly jam all of the junk back into the garage.

He says he's going to call Goodwill to come and pick it all up tomorrow.

A sad fate for such a long awaited event, but it did mean a quick scrounging which brought up a multitude of treasures.

I was able to find a box of videos and rescued a few good ones for me to watch during my near sleepless nights. Tonight, I will watch The Neverending Story. Yay! After being forced to endure Mona Lisa Smile last night...ugh. It's not that it was an awful movie, but it wasn't really great either. It's not my thing. It's kind of like listening to Plus One, when I could be listening to The Soundtrack of Our Lives.

Not that The Neverending Story is an incredible movie...I never seem to pay attention to it. But...it's more my style. Fantasy...freakish... I'm still debating whether I should go back and fetch Dune (1984 movie NOT 2000 mini series) or not. Haha.

Other movies I found? Not many...I collected Back to the Future, E.T., Annie, The Muppet Christmas Carol (haha...still trying to find our other Muppet movies. I'm a Muppets sucker), and The Flight of the Navigator (purely for nostalgic value). I was a huge "extra terristrial" movie fanatic as a small girl. We're talking, under seven. I loved movies about aliens. Mac and Me was my favorite, and sometimes, I wish I could find our tape of it just because I haven't watched it in ages. I want to watch the movie that so enraptured me when I was little.

But there were better treasures found than movies. One being a very old, beat up Origami Zoo animal book. Once I can acquire some proper origami paper, I am going to go nuts. And I'll capture it on film. It'll be awesome. My sister and I discussed lighting my creations on fire when I was done...something dramatic...maybe I'll re-enact the martian landing from The War of the Worlds; but I really don't think my parents will appreciate that. So I'll have to devise other methods for their destruction.

Speaking of The War of the Worlds, that brings me to the greatest wealth found today. Another box of super old, decrepit books left over from my paternal grandfather. I really wish he was still alive, because his library was just incredible. What might he have been like? He might have been my literature companion...sigh. Today I found a box set of H.G. Wells books. It was a set of seven, with one book missing. In The Days of the Comet, The First Men on the Moon, The Invisible Man, The Food of the Gods, The Island of Dr. Moreau and The War of the Worlds were the books in the set, with The Time Machine missing. Awh. Oh well. Also, two more C.S. Lewis books. The Weight of Glory and Reflections on the Psalms. I am also pretty sure I've seen The Four Loves floating out in those boxes somewhere, and I'll have to go searching for it.

I was ecstatic at these findings, because I knew I either needed new music, or new books desperately soon. Now I have "new" books and maybe that will hold me over till I can get new music. I wish soon. I made up a short list of cds to try and convince my dad to buy me but I'm not sure if I can persuade him. I can only cross my fingers and hope.

Because I needed an occupation so badly, I immediately launched into The War of the Worlds. H.G. Wells had an astounding imagination. I will admit that. He was, indeed, far ahead of his time. But... I am not lured in by his grotesque, hopeless, ruthless, mechanical interpretations of extra terristrial life and practices. My ventures into science fiction have not exactly been the normal I think. I am used to the fanciful; the painful joy, hope, and breathtaking beauty fighting a magnificent fight against the forces of darkness via C.S. Lewis's space/time trilogy and Madeline L'Engle. I cannot believe that beyond this earth, is only cold, grotesque, uninviting distortions, sub human creatures and existences. Whether there is life or not, I don't speculate much on, but if it's out there, I tend towards believing there being more good and profound beauty than further corruption. I believe in a good Divine Will having created the universe, and endowing His creation with pulsating joy.

So I have a very hard time accepting these crawling, seemingly pitiless higher intelligences from Mars which H.G. Wells created. Great writer he may have been, but I reject his hypothesis. It is interesting to take into account another point of view, but is the universe really as stark as he sees it?

I don't think so...I do not want to believe so. When I was able to look up into the velvet sky sprinkled with glittering stars, I could feel infinite majesty and joy only. Even if space is cold, physically, I cannot accept that this permeates the ...uhm...spirtual...atmosphere of the expanse.

Perhaps it is dependant on one's point of view...I suppose much is.

I guess I can never really know though. Not here, not now. I can only wish and hope and entertain lovely fantasies.

Fantasies unsatiated and dissatisfied by the revolting, mind numbing horrors of H.G. Wells. I will puruse the stories still, but I can never accept him as a favorite. I don't like his psyche. L'Engle, even if a lesser writer by critical standards, will always hold the higher place in my heart, for her heart wrenchingly lovely novels which know how to hit me to tears and fascinate me still. Is she really that great? I'm not sure...I believe she is...but I am decidely biased in her favor forever.

before & & after