2004-05-08
Sneaking Fear

hearing: two of my little sisters talking
reading: I *think* I am going to read Emma by Jane Austen
wearing: clothes and my little monkey "Huzzah"...a teeny mcdonald's beanie baby which I have given a tiny silver bracelet and a red paper heart safety pinned to the front of him/her (think its a him)...

Have I mentioned lately, how much better I have been doing? Indeed, I have been doing better. A whole lot better than that first entry I wrote about missing a friend. I refocused myself, I've been busy, I've been doing well.

And now, the little creeping fear of losing my friend is whispering in my ear again. Just that intolerable slight breath of wind softly singing "out of sight, out of mind". I cover my ears and scream at it to be silent. But if engulfs me like the darkness. It stifles me like a pillowcase. Just on the surface...just lurking about the edges...

I am going to go shake it off now, and laugh and play as I have been. Swing around with my little monkey making it yell "huzzah huzzah!" and contemplating the new haircut I am going to get. Then, once I have my new haircut (for yes, I am getting my hair cut tonight) I will pose and shake my head for the mirror, and snap a zillion pictures.

Then hunt for someone to show them off to... *sigh*

before & & after