2004-06-17
Giving Myself The Silent Treatment...

hearing: Lifelong Fling - Over The Rhine
reading: Middlemarch by George Eliot, Sonnets by Shakespeare
wearing: jeans, striped johnny collar neck shirt with 3/4 sleeves and eating a watermelon flavored jolly rancher

I left a comment in my last entry mentioning my current anger. I said I was going to give an explanation, but I think the only explanation to give, is that I am tired, thus cranky and irritable, thus easily angered. By things like malfunctioning tagboards and seemingly perpetually busy servers. It is very annoying and it really grated on my nerves. So I got angry.

Although I suppose, another huge contributing factor is my current hatred of myself.

Yes. I am dead sick of myself. I am sick of all my problems. I am sick of all my emotions. I am sick of my selfishness. I am sick of my whining. I am sick of all of myself.

So, since I can't be someone else, and since honestly, I don't really want to go be someone else, I am going to 1) Work on improving myself and 2)Ignore all of my emotions for the next long while. Yes, that's right, I have decided to ignore myself. I am just sick of all of it. I am not going to have anything to do with my feelings for a long while. I will not speak of them. I have had enough of my eating habits. I have had enough of my sleeping problems. I have had enough of everything.

I AM AN ANNOYING SELFISH BRAT AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM MYSELF FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

The End.

I am going to go admire super expensive Super Dolfies now that I know I will never own in my entire life.

I still love you Shiro Tachibana. *kiss kiss* Even if I could never ever afford you...

before & & after