2004-07-13
Shameful Disinclinations and Wormy Pride
hearing: Bittersweet - Luna Halo
reading: The Count Of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, and Java 2 For The World Wide Web: Visual Quickstart Guide by Dori Smith
wearing: a shirt of an unflattering color
There may be pride from others, but why be proud of my actions? I should not have thought what I did in the first place. This isn't just about not saying it, since I was thinking it, it were better that I said it, but I just plain shouldn't have had such thoughts and moved towards such decisions in the first place. Then, in turn, I should not have uprooted the entry. I replaced it, but what pride can there be in doing what one should have done always? In correcting actions which should never have been carried out? I can only sigh and learn from these mistakes. No pride in any actions of repetenance afterwards. No self abuse over the mistakes made in the first place. What's done is done. Time to learn, pick up, and move on.
But do I? Can I? I am afraid that, although I will not parade around decisions, I will not go about this in such a haughty, arrogant, poetic way, I am still inclined to draw away. I am still inclined to push away comforts... No longer do I look at it the way I did yesterday, now I see it as it is...and how shameful and cowardly I am, but the knife has not been tossed aside. I can only admit, that my hand grips it tightly. I have taken up my running again. I see how wrong it is, but I am caving to fear and pride...
But I don't have to. I haven't yet, and inclinations do not have to be regarded. But I can see that I have certainly not fully learned my lesson yet. I know that I have not yet.
Shameful creature. I must take up arms and fight. Things are never as easy as I think they are.
Well, I was kind of excited about this, and haven't had anyone to show yet, soooo... I made myself some Junko Mizuno stationery today. Yes, that's right, mine. I made it for my own personal use. Don't take. And I won't give. Images taken from Mizuno-Junko.com (mature content). Lyrics from Starflyer 59's I Drive A Lot on the left (with "and I do" thrown in by me), butchered quote from Oscar Wilde on right.
Sooo...who wants a letter?
Today's anonymous, ambigious statement: The bramble bush doesn't seem so sharp...and the wind outside is so cold...