2004-05-27
Somehow, A Greater Relief Than She Was Expecting

hearing: the sounds of the night coming in my window
reading: Middlemarch by George Eliot
wearing: a concentrated expression

Yes yes! Then the predictions and expectations were correct all along. They were no delusions produced by fanciful wishes, but keen perception which turned out fulfilled. The feelings have matched hers and what she has believed them to be rising to. He missed entirely, but she knew, she seems to have known his feelings better than he did...

Which does not produce fear. Perhaps there was some when it had tensioned to fever pitch. She trembled and cried and the world spun so violently she thought it should throw her off into oblivion. It wasn't from fear, perhaps a little, but the rest, she should not utter. She did not, would not then, her common sense told her to keep still about it. She should now about everything, but a relief for what she could say is needed. An indirect outlet.

By now, she feels at peace. In a gentle, calm restful peace. Something she hasn't felt for days.The uproar of somethings threw her farther down, but this, and the resolution she feels afterwards, has left her strangely calmed, and comforted and at much more ease and peace than she has felt for many a night.

She questions why. Why...but if she may not know the answer, she will not question. She is content to settle back into this (brief?) relief of her inner turmoils.

Oh yet the qustion will arise, for it troubles her...

Why?

Why oh why so calm, comforted and peaceful now? Why?

She sees that she has much more to sort out than she thought when she began this entry.

excuse me for not being able to change my imood

before & & after