I don't think I'm any more self confident than I ever was. I can feel that at least. I know at least one person loves me a great deal and knows me out and in. That gives me stability.
But beyond that?
I know myself. I know who I think I appear to be. But I think there needs to be a certain degree of awareness of how other people percieve you to have a complete concept of self.
I don't have that. I haven't had that for a long time. I have no idea how people see me. My clothes? My looks? My speech? My carriage? My personality? I have such an incomplete picture. A puzzle I can't solve because the pieces are scattered in the blue and green and gray and brown pools of society.