2004-04-03
A Story of a Princess and a Fool

hearing: Stay (Far Away So Close) - U2
reading: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
wearing: jeans, belt, two shirts

Sure enough, it wasn't an illusion. I stuck my foot in my mouth and I suffered for it. The suffering was necessary though. If it had been ignored? If it had festered deep down in both of us, what might have come of that? What could have grown of that? I still think it would have hurt more. I think it would have been worse...

It was still a crying morning though. First for one thing, then another. The tears of joyful unworthiness...

I don't deserve it. I don't deserve this any more than he does. I don't think anyone ever really deserves anything but scorn and derision for how we act and what we do and think. Yet I think we can still give more. I think we can still render justice and love. Its only fair since we can't always help ourselves. We should be able to, but no matter what, we always slip up, and it just isn't fair to never give any grace for that.

I'm tired. Very tired, and thusly not making any sort of sense. My words are even clumsier than usual.

But I still have a story to tell... A weak, ill worded story, but it might still mean something to some.

A Story

There was an arrogant, pompous, vain princess on a high throne. No sight to behold. One day, she was thrown down from her high throne. She was thrown into a hole and shown a mirror. The mirror reflected to her, who she really was, and what those "splendid robes" really were. An illusion, mere rags.

She couldn't believe this though. She refused. She kicked the mirror and turned away. She retained her hurt pride and perhaps built it up farther. So haughty, so very very haughty. She dressed her rags up best she could, and paraded around as though she were still a queenly figure on a throne.

One day, she befriended what most called, "a simple fool". She might even have called him such at first, but quickly percieved far more. He was more princely and knightly than any with those titles she had known during her short reign. It astounded her and even humbled her to be in his presence and to be esteemed by him at all.

She searched her heart and knew she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve his esteem. She didn't deserve him. But he insisted. Thus she so wanted to please this "fool" and be everything he thought her. She began to dissemble her pride and tried to match him, his image of her, and even more, their common Father and who He wanted her to be.

Sometimes though, she still acts like that pompous princess she was on her throne. She arranges her rags and presents them as robes again and then when a blow is made against them, puts on the air of the fallen martyr her delusional pride would have her as. And sometimes, well even he slips up and acts like a fool. Neither is perfect and what more can be expected?

And then what a childish pair they are. Flinging mud and sticking out their tongues at each other. Taunting and scoffing and the princess crying dramatically. Whether her sobbing was justifiable, she doesn't know, but it was genuine, although of course, she feels that by shedding them, she was manipulating. Like a little child.

A ridiculous pair, but a faithful pair. Her tears ended the scuffle and he came running to apologize, and she accepted, yet where was her apology? The princess is arranging her rags as robes again. She plays the part of wronged martyr again. Although this is absurd.

So she makes it now.

She is just as sorry for her problems with expectations. She is just as sorry for all that she said. She is sorry for what she has done. There was fault on her side, as well as his. We are on the same level.

But she thanks him for being ever faithful. And she promises to be ever faithful also.

We throw each other down, then pick each other up, and continue walking.

before & & after