2004-09-15
I Refuse to Renounce Photoshop Elements
hearing: Tisbury Lane - Mae
reading: The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells
feeling: wasted!
Do you know what's really fun to do when you are so tired (but can't sleep) that your eyes are dry and bloodshot and your back is aching and sore from your chair and your restless pillow/bed?
PHOTO MANIPULATION!
Man. I have too much fun. I took a whole bevy of new photos to work on. So more forthcoming...
(this one is my favorite so far. And I did most of the typographical work...the only text brushes are the "died last night" and "yours most sincerely") I call this...
(brushes)
At this point, I have absolutely no idea why I'm not sleeping.
I will swear on my grave...the holy bible...any thing you should like, that it isn't...well... how do I word it without having to sa...I know! It isn't heartache that's keeping me up.
Well I mean I don't know. After the first two days I kind of shoved it back and stifled it with a few quilts in the "closet" with my other cobwebs, figuring that would solve everything. But now, maybe my emotions feel that they are underlying, suffocated, and undealt with and thus that they need to violently disturb my subconsious and prevent me from sleeping.
Maybe it's not that, maybe it's just a few last cries against cutting myself off from human interaction. Perhaps my subconscious already feels the sting of loneliness far too keenly.
I...I really have no idea.
I try not to think about it. I don't think about why I lay down to sleep, and close my eyes to rest them, but never fall asleep. I don't think about what makes me lay in bed and stare at the ceiling until noon. I don't think about what makes me lay down on the bathroom floor in the shower and shut my eyes. I honestly don't know what it is. I don't want to know. I give up. No, I gave up a few days ago. I've already conceded defeat. I am utterly perplexed.
=Let's not burden other people with our undiscoverable emotional problems and perplexities.
HEHE. My life is a long circular monotony of foolish stupidity.
Enjoy the photoshop work!