2004-03-29
Abeyance of Exhaustion

hearing: Tisbury Lane - Mae (Again? shh...I listen to other music. But this happens to be my theme song of course, so I listen to it more often at the beginning of an entry)
reading: The Problem of Pain - C.S. Lewis
wearing: pjs and a coat! ha...

purity
purity...spotless...stainless...purity is all encompassing...it isn't just about sexually or bodily... mentally and spirtually too...as close as we can get... the thought is just as bad as the act... and impure thought stains... just as the act would...

Because I know what we are doing, is staining my purity...and his, but I honestly don't think he cares... yet I do...

Washing clean with tears and repentance in a quiet place of prayer.




I am not quite sure where I am this morning.

Perhaps suspended in a dark, dull, dream like abeyance of exhaustion.

That sounds about right.

Sleep and I are still on very bad terms. It seems to like to slip out of my grasp until the last possible moment, and then I can keep a hold on it for such a short amount of time.

And then its so hard to exert any amount of effort anywhere. To digest or process any sort of thoughts. All I want to do is sleep. The exhaustion is just too overwhelming.

So as if it weren't hard enough to stand on a ladder to catch stars from the sky with a net,I am now tottering dangerously in my fatigue, on that top step. Emotion of any sort would knock me off completely.

Yep. There it goes. Here it comes. I think too much.

I just fell off...

before & & after