2004-06-13
Unadultered Fears...And Hopes...In Dreams...
hearing: Where Did You Go - Matthew
reading: Middlemarch by George Eliot, Sonnets by Shakespeare
wearing: fingernail polish
Dreams... Strong, suppressed emotions, hopes, fears, desires, wants, and wishes will connect like a puzzle and play out in frighteningly spot on detail in a dream.
Or at least they do for me.
Naked, unadultered fears, hopes, and emotion clothed loosely in rags of enigma are embodied in the subconscious during dreams. Unhindered by common sense, consideration of others and their feelings, or senses of propriety.
Or at least, for me lately they have.
Now hold this close...Keep in mind my expoundings as you peruse the following tale of a dream of mine which I had on Saturday night.
A young girl, and a young man rambled through the busy aisles of a crowded Wal Mart on a dark, cloudy day.
The young girl was in a fix of some kind. Some trouble brewed inside her. Some decision was placed before her. A vague, shadowy uncertainty of great importance which this young man wished she would explicate to him. She could feel the care and the love emanating from him as he continued to encourage her and gently implore her to open herself.
But she was in a panic. She was far too afraid. Afraid to trust him, afraid to tell him. She couldn't. But neither could she stand here and listen to his urgent, tender pleadings and continue to refuse them.
No, no. She would leave him. She would abandon and forsake him forever, for the safety of solitude.
And so she ran. She tore out of the store. And he followed. Alarmed and concerned, he ran after her. Calling. Calling and chasing as she ran into the overly crowded parking lot and weaved her way through the many many cars at a high speed, in an attempt to lose him and flee the parking lot.
She quickly lost him, only to have her father and an unknown male join the chase.
They too wanted to know what her trouble was. They wished to peer into her heart and help mend any wounds found inside. But she was even more afraid of her father, than she had been of the young man whom she had been with earlier.
As for the unknown...he was an unknown. She cared little for him, although at the same time, he seemed most ominous.
She ran ever faster, as her father said much and called after her. Chasing her around cars, chasing her through the vast parking lot, calling and calling for her to come back and tell him what was wrong.
And then, then, she turned just so, and put moving cars stuck in traffic between them and she ran and lost her father and the unknown man.
She was free. Almost. So close, so very very close. She ran with her head cast over her shoulder, watching for any signs of her father as she made towards the only visible clear path to the exit.
She turned a sharp corner and turned her head forward, to find herself careening into the young man she thought she had lost long ago.
Fear struck her heart as she crashed straight into him before she could stop herself, and he snatched her up in his arms and proceeded to carry her off.
He would carry her off to somewhere where they could talk. Where she would have no choice but to tell all... and she was so afraid. And she despaired that she had come so very close to a final escape, only to be scooped away and sundered from it again.
Yet...yet there was a strange sense of relief. More powerful than even the fear. That finally, there would be no more running and hiding...
And as he carried her off, the mist of sleep slowly lifted and dissipated and the young girl awoke...
My only question is, who was that unknown male? I have a hunch...twas not a friend...
(p.s. Yes, this "young man" was a certain person. And yes, I do know precisely who this young man was, I knew in my dream too. I chose not to name him though in my story. I think it was a wiser choice than to simply use his name.)