2004-05-23
Destiny Obscure...

hearing: Lifelong Fling - Over The Rhine
reading: Othello by Shakespear and Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
wearing: head towel (I only blow dry my hair when I am in a huge hurry), pink crossover sleeveless shirt, lighter pink knee length flowered skirt

My sleep has grown so restless. I haven't been fully rested despite the long hours I spend in bed asleep and I couldn't figure out why. Yesterday, I noticed that I had torn all my sheets and blankets off my bed in the night. I made my bed before I slept that night, I snuggled into a bed very well tucked in and secure. And over the course of the night, I ripped the whole thing apart. I have not done that for years. And then I did it the night before last. Not a good sign. Actually, its become a pattern lately, for me to wake up in the morning with all my covers, including my very heavy quilt, practically all the way off my bed, and on the floor.

Last night, I just plain had a hard time sleeping. I tossed and turned a lot. When I did sleep, my dreams were restless and confused. I believe that I sang in one of them. Very curious. I sing like a crow. If you could call what I do singing.

I don't really know why I go on as I do. Its just that I am tired and restless and my neck aches now. Perhaps I should get a new pillow...

And lastly, I am still a bit "dizzy"...

So in this state, I am going to go do something most dangerous, jump on our trampoline with a "dangerous weapon".

I look at it this way, its not too big a deal if anything happens to me, and if anything does, at least I can fulfill the epitaph I'd like on my grave...

Full many a gem of purest ray serene,

The dark unfathomed caves of ocean bear:

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,

And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

from Thomas Gray's Elegy Written In A Country Churchyard

It fits me perfectly...

Slipping in and out quietly...Everything must be done discreetly in the shadows... Never boldly...Never ambitiously...always quietly and softly...I have never been out for fame and fortune, but to see if I can make a sizable dent on the world that won't be recognized until I'm long gone...

before & & after