I hate the world today. I just..I hate everything. I am in such an awful, crummy mood. I am feeling snappish and ornery.
The night before last night, I got to bed at four am, and then got up at eight am. That's all of...four hours of sleep. So one should have thought, that between that and starting to nod off at half past nine in the evening, I would have gone to bed soon after.
No, no I stayed up until three am last night. And I did nothing productive. I simply joined loads of rings and fanlistings. An idle occupation on the level of just about everything I did yesterday.
So I crawl into bed so late, too late for me to go get a snack, and I am starving. But I fell asleep anyway. Although not quickly enough. It took me a bit to fall asleep.
Then I dreamt. Oh but I dream so incredibly much lately, and last night was no exception. I can't remember anything I dreamt about though. Aside from the feverish imaginings I had when I tried to wake up several times this morning.
I dreamt of that stupid little origami pixel I was working on before I went to bed last night. I was dreaming of where I would darken and lighten lines. Very technical and precise and extremely unpleasant and restless.
Then my kitten came in during these restless endeavors to sleep, and begin tearing around on my bed like a maniac. I would pull my hand out from under the covers, and he would attack it viciously. He was also after my feet, and he would tumble about in my hair, catching his claws on the more delicate skin of my face, and it was just really not conducive to sleep. I can't say how many times I sleepily plucked him off of me and gently tossed him to the floor, only to have him climb back on my bed again to wrestle all over again.
Anyway, by the time I finally struggled myself out of sleep, it was almost eleven o'clock. I was ragingly angry with myself for sleeping in so late and after lying abed for a few minutes waking up, I finally tumbled out of bed, grumbled unhappily at myself and pulled my face into scowls for being so cranky from being so tired, and shuffled to get clothing to wear for the day.
I had no clean underwear, and then I remembered that yes, damn it, I had left a whole load of laundry in the dryer all day yesterday, because I was too busy being a sloth to fold the laundry. I'd have to go take care of that later today.
Aside from all the little menial tasks I have to do in the morning (eg:feed the cats, get them fresh water, clean the kitchen, do the dishes, straighten up the living room, eat my breakfast, shower, make my bed), I felt a little overwhelmed. Especially since I had gotten up so late.
But it's all backlash. I pay the price in full for my slothful behaviors yesterday with scattered extra chores, and a very bad mood this morning. That only makes me feel worse though. Because then I get unhappy with myself for spending the day in such lazy ways yesterday.
Mix in heavy draughts of chronic loneliness lately, and I just feel a wreck. I just feel terrible. I just want to sob. Which is not going to solve or fix anything.
My energy is now going to be put into doing useful tasks, the satisfaction of which will chase away my poor mood, and cheering myself up through other means of slight self reward. I will try my hardest to change my attitude and bend my will so that I can shove my mood out of the slums.
