I'm not that great. Really.
Of course, that isn't to say that I'm that bad, not at all. I'm not scum by a long shot, that isn't my implication. I'm just not [un-]burnished gold.
I think. What other people think doesn't matter. Right? Whether I am thought worse or better, they could always be wrong.
I've just been thinking a lot lately, and this was never supposed to emerge on the surface. No one was really supposed to know, but I was caught off guard and ended up spilling far more than I meant to. A lot of the time I am nothing more than a selfish manipulator. I purposefully evade an issue to have my questioner press me further to evidence their concern before I spill. It's awful, really, and I'm training myself out of it slowly, but this case wasn't one of my slimy traps. For once I didn't mean to or want to say anything. I just didn't think it important enough to mention.
It should be though. My ever dangerously low self-esteem is the root of all my troubles and fears.
But this is about establishing myself. Finally figuring out who I think I am, and what I believe myself capable of. Right now I'm relying on other's opinions. But what I need, is an opinion of my own.