All I really want, all I really need, is someone to hold me. To just be cradled in someone's arms whilst I cry. Or at the very least, a friendly shoulder for my tears. Its all I want. Its all I need.
Yet its the one thing I cannot have. My one request stolen from me.
Instead, I shall go hold myself. I shall cradle my teddy bear and shed my tears on its chocolate brown chenille fur. I shall console myself. I must. I must build my strength. I must be strong just a little bit longer. I have no other choice. Let my heart crash and break. I will pick up the pieces and put them back together. I will come out of this on top.
Because I have no other choice. Pull through on my own, or wither and die. Dying is simply not an option. Not even withering. Only living. And to live there must be some strength. Due to my position, it must be my own, and soley mine own.
And I can do this. I hardly know how. I never know how I pull through on my own, but I do. Because I can. Because I am determined to. Because I can still imagine the light at the end of my pitch dark tunnel. I will. I don't want to go this alone, yet I must.
And so I shall. And so I shall.
Prayer is requested...