Ding dong the witch is dead, witch oh witch, The Wicked Witch! Ding dong the Wicked Witch is deeeeeeeeeeaaaaad!
Ok, in all seriousness, I have absolutely no idea what that was about. I have it stuck in my head. Of all "songs". That one is more of a..."taunting jingle". It just doesn't make sense for that to be stuck in my head. Especially since, (uh oh, WARNING: Wizard of Oz blasphemy ahead) I really REALLY don't like that movie. It just doesn't agree with me. I don't know quite what it is. Those hideous, idiotic looking rosy cheeked Santa's elf wanna be munchkins, Glinda the squeaky voiced fairy...but I guess she is being passed off as a witch, those darn creepy monkeys, or the concept of anthropomorphizing embodied in the tinman, the scare crow and the cowardly lion (anthropomorphizing always bothered me). I almost think it is something deeper. All I can say, is the way I feel about that movie, is the same feeling my digestive system has for McDonald's. I don't seem to be able to eat McDonald's without throwing up. So you can connect the dots yourself. Don't put me through the torture of discussing the Wizard of Oz.
So that's my random moment for the day. But it felt good. It nicely balances out how I woke up. It helps illustrate what a moody day I have had. I woke up hurt, frustrated, and crying, and go to bed still slightly hurt, but also in good humour. Good humour always means my bad jokes. I just shouldn't try. I can't make a pun or a joke to save my life. I am reconciled to that though. I think.
I feel like I am getting sick. This morning, I thought it was just morning breath/apple jacks aftertaste, but it never went away. It must be a cold creeping up. I don't want to catch a cold. I hate them.
And notice the new template! WOO! Yes. Not self designed, but heavily emended html job. This template was a generic blog template in a basic zip file. Some might have found it a pain in the arse to try and fix all that code and configure it for diaryland, but I actually had fun. It was very fulfilling. Not as fulfilling as if I had a self designed template though. Some day. I hope. I think I am gonna add a dropshadow, and change the background to a pattern, then change some other backgrounds to simple patterns. I tried to make my page xhtml valid also, but diaryland prevents me from doing that. *shakes fist at diaryland*
Oh right. You actually expect me to expand on my feelings for today. I was kind of hoping to avoid that. But I will be somewhat obliging and give some vague details.
Doesn't everyone love it when people let you down. And then you have a late reaction to it. Ha! I had to get over one problem, and then the hurt from the other set in. Although late. And it hit me while I was considering the whole of yesterday this morning. And I realized how much it hurt because I started crying. Genuine tears. Something I haven't done in months and months. I have said things make me cry, but in all seriousness, its just a few sobs escaping, or the brink of tears (what a strange realm). This morning, true tears feel from my eyes. Warm salty rivulets running down my cheeks. Eyes blinded by them. Soft, quiet tears and crying. Fueled by hurt, and anger and frustration. I wrote a three page entry in my offline journal about it but I can't transcribe even a word out of it. It made me feel somewhat better. And then I went and read my email and talked with a girl friend about it.
Through those emails, one in particular, and that conversation, I made some stark realizations that jolted me out of my tears and anger and made me feel ashamed for lashing out right away. I can forgive. It still hurts, but no one is perfect. Not near it. And if God can show grace and mercy and grant forgivness to a creature like me, surely I can show it to a fellow human creature.
And I really don't think its fair of me to react in such a way. I have been pretty angry with myself since because I shouldn't have expected better. I couldn't. People can't know these things. I have to speak up. And beyond that, there are other reasons. Some people have a hard time helping because of their own problems and I need to understand that. And I do. Oh I do. Now.
I really don't want to go into great detail about it though.
Through these experiences, I have learned the importance of love as a verb. Just feeling love and care for a person, are not enough. You have to show it to them. If a person comes to you and confesses that they have been harming themself, you can't push it aside because its out of your comfort zone. You can't just sit and feel overwhelming washes of care and love and pity for the person. It doesn't cut it. You have to tell them. You have to make an effort to show them. Best you can. Even if its a reprimand. Because your feelings don't tell them anything. They can't stop a person from harming again. In fact, not showing, can actually spur them to harm again. Sure, with some people, you can show your love and care to a person through actions but they will still go harm again, but sometimes,perhaps more often, the actions can prevent another harming. Please. Reach out. Just because a person acts like they are ok, doesn't mean they are. Inaction kills.
It all reminds me so much of the song Hero From Superchick. Being a hero isn't always about being perfect or having amazing talents or super powers. Its about doing what's right.
you could be a hero - heroes do what's right
you could be a hero - you might save a life
you could be a hero - you could join the fight
for what's right, for what's right, for what's right
all of us just sat back
and watched it happen
thinking it's not our responsibility
to solve a problem that isn't about me
this is our problem
this is just one of the daily scenarios
in which we chose to close our eyes
instead of doing the right thing
I said too much. Damn. I was trying not to say that and I really can go delete it, but I might as well not. I have tried to write an entry how many times today without mentioning that? And every time I did. No matter what effort I put forth. I can't steer clear of it. So I give up. I let it be and hope that this is the best way I have worded it all day. I will probably regret this entry in the morning. But I suppose it will be too late by then.