2004-02-02
The Mask WILL NOT Slip Again
listening to: Love is Blindness - U2 (I have had it stuck in my head the past 12 hours...I find listening to the song usually wipes it out...)
reading: Lilith by George MacDonald and A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeline L'Engle
thinking: I am exhausted AGAIN and I am sick of my computer man...
First. I feel like a dork. An idiot. 
Yes, oh no, I called myself an idiot. Why? I don't have to say. I am just in a really bad mood again and I am so cranky that I don't really give a care about putting myself down, or explaining what's up to everyone.
Anyway, did you notice my nifty little emote? The little picture of a girl with blonde hair and a red shirt blushing? Yep, that's me and I made it. Made myself a buttload of em last night. It was actually really frustrating saving them all so they would work in MSNM and I was just about cursing the program out for smushing my emotes but my sister was helping and we got it fixed. So now these will work in my MSNM!!!! w00t. That makes me very happy. Although I was up working until 3 in the morning and then I crawled into bed, head hit the pillow and I was out. Still, it was worth it.
I guess most are wondering if these emotes, which I name Meganmotes or Memotes, were my secret project. No, they were not, but they might be part of the secret project. Don't put that past em!
I did upload them all so I could post em here. So here is my lovely gallery of Memotes.
Very Happy or ^_^ : 
Blushing:
Crying:
Giving "The Eyebrow" or Sarcasm: 
Happy: 
In Love: 
Content or u_u :
Surprised:
Wink:
Being an Angel:
Confused: 
Evil: 
Shocked or omgosh!: 
Shing Shing: 
Very Angry (my sister named this one steaming): 
Tongue: 
Disgusted: 
Last, but certainly not least, my favorite. This one is animated so I can't use it on msnm
The Amused Eyeroll: 
Fun huh? I think so! Woo!!! Since I have em on Walagata I can throw em into my entries every now and then!
Next I shall say that I spent almost all day yesterday on the computer. Literally. My back doesn't like that. Although my secret project got quite a bit of work! Phase one should be done soon! (Finally). I could finish it today, but I will set it aside. I just don't really want to have to be on the computer again today.
I am so angry and irritated and urgh...But all I will say about why, is that sometimes, it is just easier to be angry and irritated than it is to be depressed. Yesterday, my mask had slipped so much that my dad asked me what was wrong three times. THREE. Of course, I gave him my baby sweet smile and sweetly replied, "What? Me? No, I am just fine daddy!" We were in Wal Mart at the time so I pretended to care and to be paying attention and I made myself smile just a little more and by the end of the trip I was thoroughly iced over again. Good job. Ha. And here I sit again. Angry. Irritated. Who am I kidding? It's slipping again. I feel it. I forced the anger to cover the despair. I think I might spend the whole day in bed crying. That is what I feel like doing.
It isn't time for my moods to be swinging like this. I have everything calculated out and observed and it isn't time for that hateful aspect of being a female yet. That is usually the reason for these awful mood swings. Argh. So I have no other explanation. I just know that I should steer clear from everybody today. I am just plain feeling too crummy and depressed. Dump it all on other people. HA! I should shut up now. It just all piles like it does and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it yesterday and I don't want to talk about it today. Next anyone talks with me, I will be fine again.
Either that or I will let fly little white lies like a blizzard of soft, delicate snow.
Oh the drama oh the drama I will shut up now and come back when everything isn't pitiful drama.
P.S. I thought I should let everyone know that I had to delete 5 obscenities out of my entry today. I had 5. And one of them was the f word. What kind of mood am I in that I would curse like that?