Well first, I might as well explain my first thought of today...Ralph Nickleby's suicide...I can't explain it...I watched a movie adaptation of Nicholas Nickleby TWICE before reading the book so I knew full well that Ralph was going to hang himself...it didn't shock me when I read it in the book either...and I am still not shocked or sorry for what he did...but somehow, it continues to ominously float before me...the figure hanging from an iron hook in the rafters of the ceiling of the garret...it doesn't make me shudder...not in the least...no...it simply is...I don't know...quite a thought to ponder and turn over...
Otherwise, my dad is back at home, and I am starting to get sick...for sure I think...my throat tickles most uncomfortably and I feel ucky...and now I think my nose is starting to run...*sigh* but at least if I am getting sick, I will be able to stay in bed all day if I want to...
And read...^_^
What beyond that is there to say? My thoughts do not dwell on the events of the day...they flit about on other topics...nothing for sharing...no...but I am so fully distracted...the mental abstraction is, I think, only worsening... detaching from reality... let's talk on obscure, poetic topics... let's let go of sense... abandon reason... here it goes already... I hardly know what I say... just to sit and stare out of windows and glide around aimlessly and restlessly... I feel so restless... I feel millions of miles away from where I am... I don't know where I am or again...here I go...what am I saying...who is to know... who is to say... I move in slow motion... melodies of stars radiate and echo through my head... resonate in my heart...I don't make sense...I don't know... is it genius...is it madness... madness...
*shakes head*
And then more floats through...I feel like crying...not sobbing...just sitting to have tears roll down my cheeks...tears of what? There seems to be an acute sadness permeating the joy and the peace and the hope...it seems to be somehow akin... not despair, not depression, not despondency, just sadness...just sad...why...what such coupling is that? What such contrivances of the soul is it? An acute sadness... puzzling...very puzzling... my feelings are good...not to say that they are defined by the word, but that the feelings truely define the word...this is good...and good is this... but the sharp sadness mingles...not to harsh and desperate feelings... closer akin to those of pity and compassion... what for I say...what for... but am I not still in bliss...
I have an email or two to answer... I should attend to those...I should...pull my head back... return just long enough to eke out an earth grounded response... and then I am off again... to mental abstraction...
Lesson for today: Teddy Grahams are not just delicious, but great fun...u_u