My happy mood has passed completely...All that excitment was so temporary...yes, my books do comfort me, but I suppose the high and comfort I get from them are something like others may get from alcohol or cigarettes...obviously, the books are far healthier for me and a much better habit to develop, but they could never really fix my problems or be any real substitute for friendship. It was the delusion of an emotional period of blindness that made me believe they could.
So here I am, back in my heart wrenching mood. It is my constant feeling, I get fleeting good moods but they do not last long, and quickly fade away to return me to my emotional trial... my heart breaks and it aches...My soul withers away under the stress...I blamed myself for everything, and yes, I did deserve blame but I am beginning to truely forgive myself. I still worry about lm though...I cannot help but do so...I worry about everything...I worry about him...I worry about what I have done...I am impatient for an answer, but after the closing of his email, I fear it may be a long time before I get an answer. It devastates me...I cannot ever handle to be in an unreconciled fight with anyone...this is pure and utter torture for me...I cannot stand it... *sigh*
this feeling is so complacently passive...so passive...nothing to do against it but let it gnaw away at my insides...die slowly...
Oh the drama...oh the drama...
EDIT: I found heaps of new layouts I love for my diary but it hasn't been very long since I changed it so I guess I shouldn't...then again, they ARE non celebrity layouts...I would finally be rid of a layout (although beautiful), that stands against me...hmm...
I also decided that I should include a quote in one of today's entries, and I particularly like this one and I think I know of a few others who might also enjoy it...it made me smile...
"I do not write for children, but for the childlike, whether of five, or fifty, or seventy-five." George MacDonald