Music: None
Well here I have a new layout! After writing last night's 101 things about me and looking at it in the layout I had prior to this one, I decided that I desperately needed a layout with more text space.
And this one did...and I have the comfort of hosting my own images. Yes...I like knowing where my images are, and that they are not going to disappear one day and I will not be able to fix it...
I am usually not up for celebrity layouts, which this one obviously is, but I loved the layout of the page, the amount of space I get for text, the colors, the design...yes, I am even reconciled to the celebrity in the layout, Angelina Jolie. Those are really, very lovely pictures and she is a beautiful woman...I don't think it will hurt too much to have a celebrity layout...maybe if I find another free layout that looks as nice as this one does without a celebrity...or I could make my own, but I think I am just a tad too lazy...
Beowulf is good. I am enjoying it...it makes me forget that I am trying to choke down Raisin Bran Crunch in the morning...what has it been now, a full week and I have eaten the same cereal every morning? Tomorrow I intend to have something else because I do not think I can eat another bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch for about two or three months...
After finishing that 101 things about me, I think I am going to retackle my bio page and turn it into a character page, and then I am going to compile a soundtrack for my life if my life were a movie...that should bring endless enjoyment to me...mhm...
And now I shall make myself write about that which has busied my mind lately... relationships...I think everyone needs to read this, but in order for you to read it, I suppose I must write it...
Romantic Relationships in modern society...and what I think of them...and how I think things should work...
Well, to begin, I am extremely jaded about romance. After having my heart stepped on and broken at thirteen, I swore off relationships. I had good reason to, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, my parents' expectations for me, and to keep from being hurt again. I swear, my parents think that I won't feel an attraction to those of the opposite sex until it is time for me to think about marriage...they think it is wrong to feel an attraction before then...it really disturbs me the way my feelings seemed to be discouraged...isn't that enough to make me flee relationships just so I don't have to run around my parents' backs? Well it didn't become enough until after I had a sour relationship...
Of course, I grew up around bad relationships and none of mine were any good either! Since I was about 9, I never had a guy I liked, reciprocate the feelings. I had two guys ask me out, one was a very good friend whom I went out with as a mercy date, and the other was the one who broke my heart. What a legacy hm? And then there is my family�my mother married at 18. She and my father get along very poorly�lots of fights and such. My grandmother married at 17. She and my grandfather have never got on well. I expect they should be divorcing any time now. My great grandmother was married twice and divorced once. My mother�s siblings all have children out of wedlock. Her sister was engaged briefly to an alcoholic. Very soon after they broke up, he found someone new and they will be married soon. How heartless�he just wants stuff from his parents and grandparents. And I am dead serious. My uncle had 3 children by two different women, then married, had twins, and now he and his wife are estranged or getting divorced. I haven�t been told anything straight out. But I have accidentally heard enough that these are sure facts. On the other side of my family, my dad�s sister is really screwed up. She got married and had a child and divorced her husband. I am not even going to begin explaining everything else that happened. My dad�s great uncle was married, had five kids, and divorced. Now he is remarried. This is also the second marriage for his new wife, who�s previous husband was really messed up. My great uncle and his second wife are one of the few healthy relationships I have seen, and they are so different in everything, and have such backwards ideas about things, and a healthy relationship just seems so abnormal, that it scared me. His son and stepdaughter are married now. She married at 17. Has two kids now. One was conceived several months before the wedding. And she was raised on courtship, the six inch rule, and all sorts of strict relational rules. And then there was �Joe�. I learned that he and his wife were having pretty serious marital problems and one of the reasons he killed himself was purely to spite his wife.
Wow�what a pack of relationships I have seen�If this kind of legacy doesn�t jade a person about romantic relationships and marriage, I don�t know what does�
So I have a pretty tough time believing that I could ever do better in relationships than all these other people have. But then I realize, that all these people have been sucked into the lies about love and marriage Hollywood has created. All the women I know of, who married young, grew up in poor, limiting or dysfunctional homes. They were all looking for an escape. Marriage was that escape. They all believed they would get married, and all their problems would be solved. Natasha Rostof in War and Peace is a perfect example of this. You would have to read the book to fully understand. But her home life was bad, so she thought that if she married a man, everything would be solved. So she began to look for a man, and affection�any man will do for a person like that. They will base on looks and outward charm and how much affection this man will give. And then they fall in �love� when it is really just a lustful infatuation with a plastic mask. And this illustration is what I believe happened with almost all the dysfunctional relationships I have seen. Now I am not saying my father is a bad man, I love him and respect him far more than I do my mother, but I think my mother married before she was ready, with false ideas and hopes for marriage. She had dated my father since the eighth grade. Her home was bad, she wanted out. Marrying my father would be that escape�everything would be perfect and they would live happily ever after. But she wasn�t expecting problems to arise, she didn�t see the labors before her. And they crushed her, and she was disheartened, and she blamed it on all the wrong things�she has yet to see the light�I think it is terribly sad�
Which brings me to my point about things�I see that marriage is not a solve all. I will not be getting married for years yet. Some may consider me mature and wise enough to handle a marriage, I know people who do, but I do not agree with that. I am at a point, where my home life is tiring to me, I want an escape. I have also been an extremely affectionate person who never got the proper attention I want from my parents. So, whether I like it or not, I know my romantic feelings are driven purely by a deprivation of affection. I will take any man who meets half my standards and will give me what I want�I know it�I will fall into a lustful infatuation and then would accept a marriage proposal early just to escape home�no one would point me against it. But I see that this path, although it would make me happy for a short time now, would make me unhappy in the long run. If I wait until I am fully ready for marriage, and if I wait until I have common sense enough to see through deceptions and illusions and ideals, I may be unhappy now, but in the long run it will be worth it.
Getting married at a young age isn�t always bad though. Look at such as Rebecca in the Bible. This was a different situation though�arranged marriage�
Society today shuns betrothals and arranged marriages as evil, unjust, cruel, and unspeakably backwards customs. I disagree with this. I disagree wholeheartedly. When you have the proper adults picking good men for women, you will end up with a wonderful thing. It is all in the attitude. Arranged marriages began to fall apart because parents would choose bad or unsuitable matches for their daughters, moved solely by a money lust. Girls would end up having to marry mean old misers and decide to run away and elope. There was also the unfortunate Romantic Movement. For a long time, marriages and courtships were based upon the good characters of the two people involved in the relationship. Love didn�t matter, because love, true wholesome long-lasting love, came along after marriage. But it was watered down to be the only reason for having a relationship and marrying�twas all based on love�and a false superficial lust at that� so thus began the downfall of modern relationships. Despite the good literature we got out of the Romantic Movement, I still regret it� CURSES EVIL ROMANTIC MOVEMENT!!!!!!! CURSES!!!!!!!!
I want an arranged marriage�I trust my parents enough to know that they could go out and find me a good Christian man who would suit me well. Then we could plan the wedding, I would meet him for the first time on our wedding day, and be able to go into the marriage without any unreal expectations of it. Now this won�t work for every person�some people don�t have sense enough to make an arranged marriage work properly�but I have it�I could handle it and make it work, well�
But alas, I will not get my wish. I must wait and choose my own husband�*sigh* Oh well�hey wait�anyone out there willing to arrange my marriage for me? Just kidding�
Well I suppose that is all I have to say about the subject. Enjoy my thoughts. It was somewhat incomplete and some parts may seem a little wrong and narrowminded, but that comes from improper expression. I apologize for that. Or sometimes perhaps, it really is "wrong and narrow minded"...you see my point but just don't like what I am saying. That, I will not apologize for. If you have any questions or would like me to elaborate, just ask. Don�t be shy. And tell me if you want me to further discuss it in my diary because I would be more than happy to.
Darn it�the best quote for today, I have already used� (check link for entry with the quote that would have been perfect for today) aw man�
Here is one that introduces something I forgot to discuss, but should be enough of an explanation in and of itself
�Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship-never.� Charles Caleb Colton
Under a Lavender Moon,
Miss Megan