2003-11-11
Guarded and cynical now

Mood: Creative...hairstylist...lol, Cynical, Sarcastic

Music:guess what...Summertime-Mae...stuck in my head now...makes me wanna cry when I hear it...yeah,I'm such a dork...

So, how to deal when you get so heartsick the bile rises in your throat and threatens to push itself out eh? What? And at the same time you want to sob your big blue eyes out. What to do? When there is no one to talk to about it?

Well for me it was simply making some crazy, seemingly stupid plans with somebody. Yep, one of these days I just might be a singer. I used to think that that would be the day pigs fly but I suppose I was wrong...we will see how wrong I was...

And then of course going to the grocery store and goofing off with your sister the whole time. I think I am getting too old to screw around with my sister in a store but I don't care. It was fun. I hope people were looking at us like we were crazy, because we are.

After that, one dolls. Yes. I made some beautiful dolls. Handshaded in MS Paint. But they are gifts. So you may not see them. But you may see the dolls I made for myself...tomorrow...when I finish up the hair on the second one. They are wonderful. Spectacular. And I still have two request dolls in the old workshop...sweet...I am especially excited about the "Avacado" doll I am making. He should turn out peachy keen swell... *puts on sunglasses* oh yeah...

At least all of this made the swelling bile calm down and I don't foresee it coming back. If it makes a second attempt I am going to be worried. I have never felt so heartsick before in my life to get physically sick...what's up with that? Of course for now I am not feelin' too bad. Quite well actually. Dolling really calms me down. But I think I still want to go bawl my eyes out. Maybe later tonight. Yeah...that'd be good...

Yesterday was emo day.

Yep yep. That was fun. I have been listening to a bit of emo/indie music lately and I was feeling pretty emotional myself so I played "let's pretend...that I am an angst ridden, trouble maker teen." That was fun...oh yeah...I shuffled around in dark scruffy clothes with an evil glaring look on my face. My parents didn't seem to notice, which is extremely suprising. We went to an uptown mall, Pier 1 Imports, and Wal-Mart. I got a few looks but I didn't really exaggerate my behavior enough.

I plan on doing that another day...dressing scruffy and shuffling around with messy hair in my face. But then the paradox...I will do little makeup beautifully to enhance my features staggeringly then give people piercingly despondent looks with my deep blue eyes. That should attract some attention. Hopefully really disturb people. That would be fun. But I will try not to make it a habit. Gosh though, it's fun to mess with people's minds...

Is that it...hm...yeah..for tonight. Doesn't everyone love my overuseage of ellipses? I sure do...

I suppose the entire way I am viewing my feelings tonight is extremely satirical and sarcastic. That really isn't too good is it? Hm, I suppose not. I guess someone needs to knock some sense into me and get me thinking straight and handling my problems in a far better and more serious manner. Until that happens, I shall continue this way. Please and Thank You.

Quote time:

"Which of us is happy in the world? Which of us has his desire? Or, having it, is satisfied?" William Thackeray, Vanity Fair

Out Like A Light

*Brr...ZAP*

Miss Megan

before & & after