Mood: calm, disinterested
Well, today has been...a roller coaster...
I woke up with a headache and I was quite irritable. Around lunch time my temper escalated to the point where I was quivering with anger. I was busy making graphics for my website and feeling quite lazy. I had just barely eaten breakfast, yet it was so late, that my 2 youngest sisters were already clamoring for lunch. Audrey was being downright unbearable...or to my hot tempered outlook at the time she was... She jumped around yelling for a grilled cheese sandwich then stood 5 inches from my computer monitor and intently watched me as I made my pretty little graphics. She loves them. But again, I was just so irritated that it was making me angry. I just about yelled and screamed and threw her on the floor to beat her up. But I witheld my anger. I went and made her sandwich stewing away the whole time. I still felt like killing her or anyone who dared to cross my path. Gladly, this feeling dissapated and evaporated as I went back to making my graphics. The music I was listening to really jumped out and spoke to me several times. "In The Light" by dctalk was played and I just remembered my own little world. My own little being and nature and universe. And I felt better. I felt totally calm, disconnected and unique. I was this little bitty creature in the middle of a calm and mysterious world floating along over a sea of darkness, blood, sweat, and mud to my beloved Jesus. And after this I felt absolutely calm. I was feeling a lot of longing, but then again, when don't I?
Later, my mother came out of her room, and was in a very bad mood. She yelled a lot and complained and contridicted herself and grounded my siblings. Yet, despite the fact that all I have done today is sit at my computer and play around, she was perfectly happy with me, as always. Seldom is her anger directed towards me. We discussed the odd temperments and behaviors of our pets, yet didn't really listen to the other talking. We discussed some of the little family intrigues. Nothing terribly special. She believes we are quite close. In reality, we are on wonderful terms with each other and always are, but our characters conflict with a thunderstorm and we are seperated by an enormous rift. Still, I love my mother very much and am happy with our relationship, even if it is just this side of being non existant. I don't ever want to change that though, this nice little parallel line relationship suits us both just fine.
As for now, I have nothing more to say. No one will read this but I am already reconciled to that fact. I have begun work on my website and all the details consume me. It promises to be beautiful. I will just make sure to create plenty of publicity for it. I don't want to spend days on it just to have it ignored. That would never do. I will turn that "layout by miss megan" pic into a link for the website once it is up.
Well, what a day eh? Nothing exciting happens to me. Perhaps I should have chronicled my day and not my feelings...well I woke up,thought, ate, thought, made cartoon dolls and listened to music and thought, walked around and thought, and wrote this. That is about it...Hmm...nothing much to say. But hark, father is home. Time to depart from this entry and move back into the real world of which this is a very tiny thinly attached extension.
We may have company...*blech* Time to get into an outgoing extroverted mood...or a sweet, quite, "lady like", "children should be seen and not heard" mood. *HAHA* Whatever... until I type again,
Out Like A Light
*Brr....ZAP*
Miss Megan